Why was Fortnum and Mason attacked by activists yesterday?
Because proper tea is theft!
It's the top joke doing the rounds of Facebook and stuff today, after the toff's food shop was occupied by splinter groups from the huge demo that took over London yesterday.
But the cuts being imposed by the ConDem Government are no joke. And that's why hundreds of people from Salford joined 400,000 trade unionists, community groups, students and activists who came from all over the country and beyond for yesterday's March For The Alternative.
The Salford Against The Cuts coach left Salford Precinct at 6:30am but even at that time of the morning people were passionate about the impending day, and why they had got up before the birds, determined to make their presence felt on the streets of London.
Fran has recently lost her job in the courts services with sections farmed out to the private sector…
"If you're over 50 they want you out, you're too dear, and I've got no chance of getting another job" she says "I believe in standing up for what you believe in, that's why I'm here."
Mark works for a youth organisation…
"I've come because of the annihilation of public services, they're being dismantled" he says "There's massive cuts across the board and I think it's completely morally wrong."
Helen, sitting next to him adds "I work for Connexions that's why I've got involved but I don't agree with any of the cuts."
Her words are echoed by rapper Aslan AK, from Claremont…
"I'm here because I think it's absolutely disgusting that the ConDems are imposing cuts, especially when banks get a bail out and people who were absolutely nothing to do with the recession have to pay for it" he says "I'm here to voice my discontent."
And Salford student, David Brooks, adds: "I've come because I'm opposed to all cutbacks, and they will affect the poorest people in society especially in a city like Salford which has suffered so much in my lifetime especially. This is their crisis not ours and they should pay for it, not take away my mother and father's bus pass or increase tuition fees."
The Salford coach joins hundreds of others on the motorways leading to London. It's a party atmosphere that continues when the Salford crew finally arrive just after midday and take to the streets with the House of Commons starting point in sight.
The noise is deafening, the colourful protestors are everywhere and the power is palpable. Thousands upon thousands, upon thousands of people – every one with a story to tell, a banner that screams and a flag to fly. Air horns blare, whistles screech, bands dance and, at this point, the police smile. There's no beginning to the procession, no end, just a huge carnival exploding through the landmarks of the British establishment detonating its `No Cuts' message…
Past Parliament, past a heavily fortified Downing Street, through Whitehall and on to Trafalgar Square - where Keith, from Salford Against The Cuts, jumps on a lion, leading chants of `The people united will never be defeated!'.
The rest of the Salford contingent continue on the march up through Piccadilly Circus, past The Ritz, via Marble Arch and onwards to Hyde Park. En route there's a protesting gorilla, a cardboard `War On Cuts' tank and a specially made jail for bankers. Meanwhile, every monument is draped in banners and protestors. No-one feels the need to be angry or to smash anything up. Everyone's just enjoying the moment – moments like this have been so rare over the past decade.
By the time our section of the march reaches Hyde Park, Ed Miliband has already been on stage, and Brendan Barber, General Secretary of the TUC, has made his speech, sent to us the day before…
"Let's be brutally clear about these brutal cuts, they're going to cost jobs on a huge scale – adding to the misery of the 2.5 million people already on the dole" he said "They're going to hammer crucial services that bind our communities together. And they're going to hit the poorest and the most vulnerable hardest. Anyone who tells you different is a bare-faced liar.
"The government claims there is no alternative. But there is" he concluded "Let's keep people in work and get our economy growing. Let's get tax revenues flowing and tackle the tax cheats. And let's have a Robin Hood Tax on the banks, so they pay us back for the mess they caused."
We do get there in time hear great speeches by Unite General Secretary, Len McCluskey, and PCS General Secretary, Mark Serwotka, who tell us that today is just the start…to go back to our communities and defend services and fight job losses.
At the far end of the park, the National Shop Stewards Network has its own stage where Salford's Paul Gerrard is giving a rousing speech. And all over the park we bump into students and lecturers and trade unionists who have come down in their own coaches from Salford.
Incredibly, when we finally leave Hyde Park at 4:30pm, a full four hours after the march set off, there's still thousands of people arriving, with no sign of the end of the procession. The scale of opposition to the ConDems isn't frightening, it's empowering.
We head down to a pub where the tv news has the march as the main story. And watch the splinter groups perform their masked attacks on The Ritz and the banks as the media sideshow that captures the headlines.
But the other 399,800 people didn't need to wear masks – this was an open show of defiance, a carnival against the cuts. A brick though a bank window might be fun, we ponder, but it ain't going to change anything. It's in our communities where opposition will be at the sharp end.
"I think the cuts will ravage Salford in pretty much every possible way as we've got some of the most vulnerable areas" says Salford Against The Cuts campaigner, Paul Jackson "I think that it's nice to see all these people from Salford coming together over the past few months, and carrying on moving forward, not just today but in the future.
"We all have a role to play in letting the Government know that the people of Salford will stand up with everywhere else in the country and say that we are vehemently against the cuts."
The coach arrives back at Salford Precinct well after midnight, with everyone agreeing the day has been brilliant – but the fight has only just begun…