Strangeways Here We Come is a movie that could only have been made in Salford, with a largely Salford cast, writer and director. And last night a Salford audience watching its second ever screening at the Uni's Adelphi Theatre, howled with laughter all the way through and gave it a rousing ovation at the end.
The plot is pretty simple – loan shark Danny Nolan (Stephen Lord) has been menacing residents living in blocks around Salford Precinct for years, demanding more than money from the poor sods in his debt...'He made me suck a tramp's dick!' is the classic catchphrase from Michelle Keegan's wimpy student character that kind of sums up the diabolical deeds of the twat.
One night, during a drug-fuelled party that's begins with pass the parcel and ends with raucous sex happenings, those who have been screwed and screwed over by Nolan decide that he's got to go. The next day, he's gone, done in by the gaggle of debtors. But that's just the beginning, as his even more evil wife (Elaine Cassidy) goes on the prowl seeking out the perpetrators of his disappearance...
That's the plot but it's the cameos, side snipes and character snippets that make 'Strangeways totally, totally hilarious...the battered, shot, bitten postman bringing bad news bills to the tower blocks; the verbally crucified bible bashers bringing the word of the good Lord to tenants; the fat tattooed taxi driver with a bagful of drugs and a pining heart (and dick) for the three female students...
Meanwhile, bikes are going over the balconies of the flats, cops are getting shot with air rifles, and local scallies are made up to get some selfies with Nolan's corpse. The film has a cartoon feel, with non-stop comedy that's as dark as a Precinct subway, with some acidic, hasidic, hilarious throwaway scenes en route.
The salient script by writer/director Chris Green is helped along by a cast of top, top actors – from Jimmy Foster (of the famous Salford boxing family) superbly playing a physically shot former boxing champ whose memories are sold by Nolan; to Nina Wadia as the randy window cleaner; to Lauren Socha of Misfits, who fits right in with the pilled-up Pendleton posse; to Chanel Cresswell, from This Is England, one of the trio of girls living the debauched 'this is Salford' student life, alongside Saffron Hocking and Michelle Keegan; to Ania Sowinski, playing the sexy mum and lurid object of Nolan's lust games.
It took five years to get 'Strangeways onto the big screen (check the pre-cladded tower blocks in the background) but it's been worth the wait in gold. At an hour and a half long, the action, comedy, one-liners, ace soundtrack - by the likes of The Moods and the perfectly named Death To The Strange - and un-stylised Salford scenarios don't cease for a second.
Salford City Council and Pendleton Together, which facilitated the film, will probably sneer at the image of Salford people depicted on screen. Yes, we're not really like that. But fuck off, it's a movie and it's fucking funny. The funniest thing in years...
...And if you see a geek in a Superman outfit standing on the roof of Beech Court, keep away, you'll be re-adjusting your arse for days...
Strangeways Here We Come is being shown at various times in Salford Arts Theatre between Friday 5th October and Tuesday 9th October, as well as a limited cinema release around the country. Do not miss!
For tickets at £5/£8 for the Salford Arts Theatre – click here
For more details of screenings and trailers see the official Strangeways website – click here
For a preview of the film and interview with director and writer Chis Green see previous Salford Star article – click here
Review by Stephen Kingston
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