'It was the best thing I ever did because I felt I could share my problems as a carer...I wasn't on my own.' Jean
At the Sutton Community Centre in Langworthy there's a constant buzz of chatter as a round a dozen carers catch up on everything from their own issues to the state of Salford and the universe.
The table is groaning with cakes and biscuits; one lady has her go in the foot spar while others await their turn for a 15 minute massage of their choice in a private room set back from the airy community space. The mood is pretty joyous. For many here, this is their only break from caring for a loved one.
Amongst the women, there is one solitary man, Ernie, who is seriously enjoying the experience after joining Time Out For Carers about six weeks ago...
"I was absolutely weary...I needed that break" he says "This is my time out to come here and have a little chat with them all, have a coffee and have my shoulders massaged. I do find it a relief..."
Ernie has been looking after his wife, June, since she fell and shattered her hip. She needs 24 hour, seven days a week attention, and, apart from workers who come in the morning and evening to help her dress, he is the constant carer doing everything, from changing her pads two or three times a night, to cooking, cleaning and everything in between...
"From getting up in the morning until bed at night I'm on the go" he says "We've been married for 57 years so there's nothing I wouldn't do for her but I needed to get out of the house... a big part of my day was to go to Morrison's shopping because then I was on my own and it was a kind of relief. But now, although I have to find someone to look after June, this is my time to come here.
"I know I'm the only bloke here but I can have a laugh and listen to all these women going on" he explains "There's no secrets, we're all in the same boat and look after somebody. I enjoy it just to get out of the house and I would certainly recommend it."
Time Out For Carers meets at the Centre every Wednesday from noon until 3pm, although nobody has to come for the full session. It's very informal, friendly and the emphasis is on escapism.
"You can come as often as you like and you don't have to come on the dot of 12 or you can come just for an hour" explains Jean Elliott, who has been a member of the group for eight years and is now treasurer.
"We have tea and coffee and cakes and biscuits, depending on what people bring, and we have a natter about things, put the world to rights, talk about what we're troubled about, give advice on carers' benefits, allowances things like that...and we have speakers sometimes, trips out to the theatre, gardens, castles and shopping, and meals out. We also go to a lot of network events that the Council and CCG run to put the word out about what we're doing."
Jean originally found the group while caring for her husband after he had a heart attack and ended up with brain damage... "He was in a nursing home with 24 hour care but I used to go and see him three times a day" she recalls "It was hard because, although I had three grown up children who were very supportive, I needed somewhere to offload and talk about it.
"I joined the group and it was the best thing I ever did because they were really wonderful and I felt I could share my problems as a carer" she adds "I wasn't on my own."
Jean's husband, unfortunately, has since died but she continues to attend and has helped run the group for the last five years, changing its constitution, with the agreement of members, so that ex-carers can also continue to receive support and help others through difficult times.
"I needed the group more after, because while you're caring, you're caring and you're busy...but once that stops there's nothing" says Eileen who has been attending for a number of years "I've made friends here now. We go out, we do things, we ring each other if we're worried about something; it's just a good group. I would say to anyone come along, we're all good friends."
The group's emblem is lemons, referencing the quote 'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade', and Time Out For Carers goes big on this...
"Most of the members enjoy it because it gives them a break from what they are doing; it's escapism and they need to de-stress" says Jean "They need these couple of hours to let go and relax, and for a few minutes not have to worry about who they are looking after. Everybody in the group finds it very valuable.
"We need the group to grow" she adds "There are a few other carers' groups in Salford but they're usually specific like dementia support or heart related, whereas our group is pretty generic. And we know how to treat ourselves!"
Time Out For Carers meets every Wednesday 12noon until 3pm at Sutton Community Centre, Doveridge Gardens M6 7LY (just behind Tesco near Salford Precinct). There are £2 subs per session.
For further details phone Jean on 0161 727 8406 or email jean.elliott@ntlworld.com
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