Oh that classic paragraph that sees Williams in a bedroom at the Adelphi hotel in Liverpool with his son's teacher:
'Have you got any protection?'
"I've never paid for protection in my life. I'm from Salford, love."
This just about sets the tone for a series of short novels by sometime poet, rugby reporter, charity fundraiser and author, Simon Williams, based loosely on himself, that had the city's street literati laughing into their lager. Now these fast-paced novelettes have been bunged into one volume – Coffin Nails and Salford Tales.
Williams is a lad about town who has some right dodgy mates – but not half as dodgy as those running Salford. And so a series of events ensue where Buile Hill Mansion returns back to the people, the police have their knickers twisted by a nicked Lowry painting and the Salford MP is found dead with two whores.
Meanwhile, Salford Lads Club is handed to the homeless, the Class of '92 buy the Salford Stadium and the Mayor and his assistants are guilty of corruption...or, as Williams writes, 'There was more fiddling going on than in the BBC Philharmonic...'
In between, is lashings of sex, swearing, loads of booze, drugs, Salford girls on the pull in Spain, a hint of love, and loads of wanton happenings that will ring a bell with proper Salford people.
"I get the biggest buzz when someone says 'I don't usually read but I've read your book and it's hilarious'" says the real Simon Williams "Everyone can relate to some part of this book. I just look at things and put my own twist on it..."
If you're looking for Booker Prize stuff this isn't it. If you're looking for a fast paced, quick easy read with the boring bits jettisoned, this is for you...
Coffin Nails and Salford Tales
By Simon Williams
£4.31 from Kindle – click here
Paperback should be out in a couple of weeks – contact Simon Williams on Facebook
See also Salford Star reviews of Williams' previous books – click here and click here