HOME   ARCHIVE   GALLERY   SHOP   ABOUT US      
 

 
SALFORD ODDITY PART FIVE
 

Star date: 10th July 2011

TOM SHORT'S SALFORD ODDITY
Part five: Global Warning

Tom Short's satirical view of Salford and beyond continues from Langworthy Road to the world banking crisis…

Click here…


SALFORD ODDITY 5: Global Warning.

I heard a saying the other day: 'If you are finding things tough, it's just because you're playing the game of life on hard'.

I think we all are finding it hard at the minute, but Salford may have things particularly distressing. It seems like there is a bad headline everywhere you look and nothing is relenting. Things are closing down or moving away from Salford. Tescos are springing up all over the land regardless of how close they are to Eccles or Salford Precinct.

Then again, is that what we are progressing towards? Is it merely fate, England becoming more and more Americanised until we just accept things and take our place as the 51st state? There would be advantages - this government would be scrapped for, hopefully, a less idiotic one. America has a lot of things going for it, such as newly acquired oil (we wont go into how they got it) and, like us, they have a deficit too but you don't see any of them going on about it. They just carry on driving their hummers into the sunset.

Over 70% of the world's money does not exist outside of a computer, so where did it go? It's certainly not within Salford Council (maybe their pockets?), Langworthy Road was stripped recently and the council still haven't gotten round to resurfacing it properly. But back to the money rant; did a computer running Windows Vista melt down and take half of Greece with it? And I want to know what has happened to stop it from happening again? What, with all of these countries that have outstanding deficits running into the trillions. Some people put it down to benefits, prisoners and immigration. I know there are some spongers out there but not that many surely?

A worrying prospect occurred to me the other day. I saw a friend of mine from Pendleton College and amongst all the small talk and pleasantries he said to me 'I've finished university now, three years and the only job I could get was behind the counter at McDonalds'.

It begs the question where have all the jobs gone? There are more people in the country than ever but surely that means that there are more people who need goods and services than ever? 'Supply and demand' is how the saying goes. So why is the supply of jobs not meeting demand? Some blame the economy, but why is it that that Avatar is the highest grossing film of all time? And we were supposed to be even poorer in 2009 when that came out!

Something I would also like to address is why are we not being taught about these things in school? I can honestly say that I have never been in a situation where knowing the Pythagorean theorem has come in useful. I would ask the question `Have you ever been in a situation where knowing what the radius of a circle is, has come in handy?' (maths teachers need not answer this question). Back in my day the teachers weren't striking, so I want to know why I was never taught about pension plans, how Isas work and how to not get ripped off at the bureaux de change*.

I don't mind telling you that I went to a rough high school (in my opinion anyway). A school where a student was tied to a tree and left there for six hours; where a girl had a concrete slab thrown at her, and people could be ostracised on a whim. There were some good times but I think my brain has decided to mentally block the whole lot.

Recently someone was telling me that their daughter had gone to their prom (still a disco in my eyes). It brought back memories of my own prom. I decided not to go but my friends said 'If you don't go, you will regret it', to which I replied `I don't want to spend my time with certain people in my year but I have to against my will, so in my free time I certainly don't want to be around them'.

And with this column I think I may have successfully written myself off of the 2050 school reunion.

Until next time…

*A tip is to take only so much foreign currency with you on holiday and the rest in English money and if you need to; exchange it over there. This avoids being ripped off when you bring the foreign money back over here and they give you a much lower exchange rate. That there would have been more useful to me than P.E theory I can tell you.


 

Moneygone? wrote
at 16:02:41 on 11 July 2011
I think you only have to look at the other articles on the Star! BBC orchestra £20,000,000, (lot of noughts), Media city £10,000,000 and Spicer and the other lot on £100,000 + each per year.
 
Lee wrote
at 07:31:50 on 11 July 2011
Yet again another brilliant read :D
 
Please enter your comment below:
 
 
 
Salford Star CD
Salford Star contact
Deli Lama
advertisement
 
Contact us
phone: 07957 982960
Facebook       Twitter
 
 
Recent comments
article: PETERLOO THE MOVIE OPENS AS SALFORD DIRECTOR MIKE LEIGH POINTS OUT ITS RELEVANCE TO THE NOW
He who controls history controls the future. And like fellow old boy Mike Leigh says, this is our history. This film will no doubt... [more]
article: PETERLOO THE MOVIE OPENS AS SALFORD DIRECTOR MIKE LEIGH POINTS OUT ITS RELEVANCE TO THE NOW
Slurp,your comments about "rabble and dross",matches exactly what the upper classes said about working people in 1819! I hope you... [more]
article: PETERLOO THE MOVIE OPENS AS SALFORD DIRECTOR MIKE LEIGH POINTS OUT ITS RELEVANCE TO THE NOW
Interesting review, but why the casual, stereotyping racism about'yanks'? I'm sure a few Americans will like this film, just as... [more]
article: PETERLOO THE MOVIE OPENS AS SALFORD DIRECTOR MIKE LEIGH POINTS OUT ITS RELEVANCE TO THE NOW
It's a pity the Manchester and Salford Yeomanry aren't still around. They could sort out all the rabble and dross that plague Picc... [more]
article: SAVE THE CROWN THEATRE ECCLES CAMPAIGN DOES GUERILLA ART STATEMENT
Dear Sir I wish to help with the cause of Save the Crown Theatre in Eccles. At the moment, I have no money to give but I would ... [more]
 
 
 
 
 
Days
Hours
Minutes
Seconds
 
 
 

Donate

Help the Salford Star...

all donations welcome

 
 

More articles...

THREE EARTH TREMORS RECORDED NEAR FYLDE FRACKING SITE

Star date: 19th October 2018

BRITISH GEOLOGICAL SURVEY RECORDS TREMORS THAT MIGHT TRIGGER EARTHQUAKES

Three earth tremors have been recorded by the British Geological Survey near where Cuadrilla has begun fracking in Fylde..."The problem for Cuadrilla is that if it carries on regardless, bigger earthquakes may well be triggered" says David Smythe, Emeritus Professor of Geophysics at the University of Glasgow.

Full details here...

OPPOSITION TO FASCIST EDL IN MANCHESTER CALLED FOR BY POLITICIANS AND TRADE UNIONS

Star date: 19th October 2018

CALL TO OPPOSE EDL MEETING IN MANCHESTER

EDL Protest
Saturday 20th October 12:30pm
Piccadilly Gardens, Manchester

Having abandoned plans to march in Didsbury this weekend, the fascist EDL is instead holding a rally in Manchester tomorrow, and Stand Up To Racism and Unite Against Fascism have called for a counter demonstration, backed by politicians and trade unions... "The EDL are never welcome in our city" says Kate Green MP "We stand together against division and hate."

Full details here...

PETERLOO THE MOVIE OPENS AS SALFORD DIRECTOR MIKE LEIGH POINTS OUT ITS RELEVANCE TO THE NOW

Star date: 18th October 2018

THIS IS OUR HISTORY...

Peterloo, the movie, starring Maxine Peake, was premiered in Manchester last night at Home. The Salford Star was not invited but we did manage a non-exclusive twenty second interview with Salford director Mike Leigh on the red carpet, and a viewing at the peasants' overflow on Deansgate. Is it any good? Read our review and that crucial interview with Mike Leigh.

Full review here...

SWINTON PROTESTS BRING SALFORD COUNCIL AND BELLWAY HOMES TO NEGOTIATING TABLE

Star date: 17th October 2018

NEVER MIND THE BREXITS HERE'S SAVING OUR NEIGHBOURHOOD!

As Theresa May was locked in Brexit talks in Brussels, this morning Salford City Council, Bellway Homes and Swinton residents' Saving Our Neighbourhood group were meeting to try and resolve horrendous problems around the Campbell Road natural green space, where the developer is attempting to build 241 houses.

The Council and Bellway have been brought to the table after constant protests by residents..."I think that's the only way we're going to get anywhere" said Barry Woodling of Saving Our Neighbourhood as residents demonstrated yet again outside the Civic Centre.

Full details here...

SALFORD MP RAILS AGAINST GOVERNMENT AS FRACKING BEGINS IN FYLDE

Star date: 16th October 2018

REBECCA LONG-BAILEY SLATES 'GREEN GREAT BRITAIN' TORIES AS WESTWOOD DANCES ON CUADRILLA'S INJUNCTION LINE

Salford and Eccles MP, Rebecca Long-Bailey, slated the Tory Government in Parliament yesterday, pointing out "What a terrible irony it is that the first day of Green Great Britain Week is the day that fracking is due to commence..."

Today, Vivienne Westwood performed a break dance to Abba's Dancing Queen on Cuadrilla's 'draconian injunction line' outside the Preston New Road site in a dig at Theresa May's hopeless jig at the Tory conference and to stand up for the right to protest.

Full details here...

 



written and produced by Salfordians for Salfordians
with attitude and love xxx