Now, hands up who wants to read about how the Scousers (`don't call us Scousers!') turned over Salford City on our own ground with a fine display of quick, flowing attacking football that had us 4-0 down by half time?
No-one? That's great. Instead we'll do a full report on the Salford City v Skelmersdale United `Official Matchday Magazine' which does have a few mentions of Skelmersdale in it – although it doesn't say anything about them not liking being called Scousers (`We're not Scousers!')…
TOTAL AMMIES is the new name for the new `Official Matchday Magazine', launched only last Saturday, when copies from the Chester game were exchanging hands on e-bay for over double their value.
Total Ammies comes complete with a shiny new Salford City lion logo and in glorious differing shades of tangerine. But it's not just the shiny matt touchy stroky feel of the magazine that makes it stand out. It's the features.
Like, how many footy programmes can you pick up and find an extract from Walter Greenwood's Salford classic Love On The Dole? And how many writers have ever used it as an analogy for modern day football? Paul Mackle's piece on `When Larry Met Sally' does just that.
He starts with a para from the book which includes the line "An dreamin' about things you can't have don't get y' anywhere…Does it Larry? Does it now?"
`Sally Hardcastle's passionate, plaintive appeal to her boyfriend, Larry Meath, can be seen as a football supporter's hunger for success, hoping to brighten a mundane life, while Larry, who has one of the better paid jobs, gives a timid response, similar to that of the modern day footballer, most of whom don't need to put much effort in, and don't care about the supporters…'
There's also a piece by Paul on rubbish mangers and their tactics, and another on Salford Amateurs (as we were then known), taking Salford by storm in the 1960s. Meanwhile, a whole Club Honours page reveals that City won the Ald. Amos Tipper Shield in 1962 when they played in the Eccles and District Football League. And stuff like that.
Programme editor, Billy Lines-Rowlands - who together with designer Kate Hendry, has launched the ace new Matchday Magazine - has his own think piece, urging City players and supporters to learn from his old dog who led him away from nightmares. It's definitely not the usual material you find in any programme, never mind in non-league land where there's always pages and pages harping on about `the committee'.
With an intro by Tangerine Dream, whose knowledge of the game at this level is truly scary, and proper match reports (unlike those you'll find on the Salford Star website) by Andy G, the `matchday magazine' is just that – a magazine. And all for a quid. If there was a league for footy programmes Salford City would be challenging for the championship…
The match against Skelmersdale United? Er, let's talk about the programme again…
Just don't call Skem `Scousers' – they hate it…
Photos by Andrew Goudie
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