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MARY BURNS AWARDS 2007

Welcome to the MARYS, the most glittering occasion in Salford’s community calendar. Here we honour the most deserving individuals and organisations in the city for their stupid statements, dodgy dealings and iffy activities over the past 12 months.

Please dress up in a monkey jacket or yer best frock while you read this and grab a glass of warm white wine. We would be grateful if you could applaud to yourself after each award is announced. Now, without further ado, let’s get on with the ceremony…

 

THE GEORGE BUSH `READ MY LIPS’ AWARD
THE FEED THE RICH AWARD (Part 1)
THE FEED THE RICH AWARD (Part 2)
THE `OUR FRIENDS IN THE NORTH’ MEMORIAL AWARD

THE WE WANT OUR PENNY AND OUR BUN AWARD

THE `WE DON’T GIVE A FLYING FIG ABOUT WEASTE’ AWARD
THE AFFORDABLE HOUSE IN YER DREAMS AWARD
THE `Of Course We’re Not Trying To Clear The Community Out Of Central Salford That’s Next To Manchester, The River, The University and the BBC Media City Site’ AWARD…
THE `LET’S LOAN PUBLIC MONEY TO A BANK’ AWARD
THE `WE’RE SO GREEN IT (REALLY IS) UNBELIEVABLE’ AWARD
THE `YOU’RE TWISTIN’ MY MELON MAN’ MAD, MAD, MAD, MUSIC AWARD
THE `UNCLE’ JOE STALIN AWARD FOR OPEN AND DEMOCRATIC GOVERNMENT
THE `EVERYBODY LOVES US’ AWARD
THE FRAZER `WE’RE ALL DOOOMED’ AWARD
THE `Who can say, 'I have kept my heart pure; I am clean and without sin'? AWARD
THE `WHAT A GREAT SCHOOL! LET’S SHUT IT!’ AWARD
THE SPECIAL AWARD FOR BEING HAZEL BLEARS

 

THE `EVERYBODY LOVES US’ AWARD

Goes to…

CHARLESTOWN AND LOWER KERSAL NEW DEAL FOR COMMUNITIES

This organisation is so, so wonderful – according to its own website. On there you will find results from the last MORI survey that “have shown a positive change to awareness and attitudes within residents in Charlestown and Lower Kersal”.

It says that “Of those living in the area for less than two years, 32% were attracted to the area a `great deal’ or a `fair amount’ by improvements that have happened here recently.” What it doesn’t tell you is that the survey for this question was based on a massive sample of 36 people - which means that a mere 12 people were attracted to the area because of “improvements”, which have so far cost well over £30million.

Meanwhile, in the same survey, with a bigger sample of over 100 longer term residents, 75% of those who think they’re going to move in the next two years won’t be staying in the area.

The NDC also boasts that “those who felt that NDC has improved the area a `great deal’ or a `fair amount’ has dramatically increased from 22% in 2002 to 60% in 2006”. Funny then that 52% of people in the same survey felt that the area had either `not changed much’, `got slightly worse’ or `got much worse’.

We could go on all night about how less people are impressed with the quality of life in the area, how 48% of people in the survey think it’s still unsafe to walk around alone or at night, and that in the so-called community led regeneration project only one in four residents `feel that they can influence decisions in the area’. But we won’t…

   

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