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SALFORD ODDITY PART 3
 

Star date: 21st May 2011

A SALFORD ODDITY: Part 3

THE GOBFATHER

More comic reflections on Salford by Tom Short. And this time it's doctors' waiting rooms, Langworthy Road and bother…

Full story here…


THE GOBFATHER

I write this whilst waiting in the doctor's waiting room. I don't normally come to the doctors but my mum has forced me as mothers tend to do. I don't know about you but when I get sick, I get about four different illnesses which will take their turn in having their way with my immune system, dragging my illness out for weeks to the point where feeling unwell just becomes a nuisance.

It has been a while since I was in a GP's waiting room and it has gone all fancy and futuristic. I check in on a computer and the video screen tells me when the doctor is ready to see me. I'm certainly no technophobe but I like to have a little human contact before the doctor puts on the rubber gloves, it's touch your toes time and gives me the proverbial once over - or is it a good thing having less contact when that happens?

Whilst I'm waiting there's a lot of time to reflect on things such as the future, life and its intricacies… Why has a fish tank become common place in a waiting room? Why is it that every time you go in a waiting room there is one child either screaming or running around? All the thinking just seems to give you a headache and you begin to wonder whether it's your symptoms getting worse, or that the headache is a result of the high pitched wailing of a four year old.

In this time of reflection I'll tell you a story from a few years ago when I was travelling into Manchester. I passed through a subway (the underground type; not the sandwich bar) when a group of early teens stopped me. I say teens, they in fact looked like a group of hyenas someone had dragged through a tracksuit outlet. I was thinking 'Oh god I hope I don't get mugged' when they passed me; I thought that maybe I had misjudged them, I was wrong.

They stopped me and asked what time it was. I told them that I didn't have a watch and tried to leave. But then they told me to check the clock on my IPod. I did and told them the time and tried to leave again. They told me that I was lying and they wanted to see the time that was on there (obviously just wanting to look at the IPod). I showed them and tried to leave again, but once again they stopped me.

They asked me where I was from. I told them `Langworthy Road'… "No you're not" they replied "If your from Langworvvy Road why haven't we seen yor 'round there?". I was getting annoyed with all the hassle at this point and told him that firstly; 'I think I know where I live' secondly 'I don't spend all my time on Langworthy Road hanging around on the street corners' and thirdly 'I have better things to do with my time, so either let me go or get to the point'. The leader of them said "Do you know who we are related to?" so I told him that I wasn't an adoption agency.

The leader gave out a pathetic "If you don't know who we are…. then give us your stuff" to which I said it was an offer I would have to decline, because up until this point I had always told myself that if I were to get mugged I would just give up my things and be on my way; but I hadn't felt like they had been at all intimidating 'considering there's three of you and one of me'.

I would like to point out that I don't suggest that anyone recreate my behaviour. In fact if they've got a knife then definitely don't: your life is worth more than an IPod, regardless of how new it is. These were just some punk kids who didn't know any better and they weren't expecting someone who can handle themselves verbally (I would like to end that sentence with 'physically' but I would only be lying).

I would also like to say that I think that the crime rate has gone down in the area since, especially with Pendleton police station around the corner and with Broughton now being a district of Manchester (that had to be at least a 25% drop in the overall crime rate surely?).

I hope you enjoyed the story guys, it's one of the ones I use to impress people and make them think I'm macho. Now that I come to think about it maybe it's where I have been going wrong with the ladies all these years…but there's no time to think about that now or I will have to add depression to my growing list of ailments. However someone once said to me 'You can never have enough ailments, you never know when you will need a sick note'.

See you next time guys!

Read Part 2 here

Lee wrote
at 14:06:12 on 22 May 2011
great read as usual :)
 
Mariella wrote
at 23:05:29 on 21 May 2011
Another good humourous read Tom, you should right more often =) x
 
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